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The Professor and The Professor
Ten drabbles featuring The Professor and Professor Snape!

I wrote these for Writercon100 on LJ, inspired by the fact that Gilligan's Island was on their list of small fandoms to write for. Of course I had to make them crossover fics, because, well, what's fanfic without Severus Snape? ;-) I had fun writing these; have fun reading them!

Author: bohemianspirit
Series: Harry Potter/Gilligan's Island crossover
Pairing/Characters: Severus Snape/Roy Hinkley (The Professor), Gilligan
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Humor, Slash, AU, Crossover, Crackfic, Drabble
Timeline: post-Deathly Hallows AU + time warp to early 1960s Gilligan's Island (Don't try to make sense of it. Really.)
Originally posted: April 8-10, 2009, on Writercon100 on LJ

Summary: Ten drabbles, each complete in itself but all of them related in plot, setting, and *ahem* characterization.




1. The Professor and The Professor

"If I may, Professor," Severus Snape stayed the hand of Roy Hinkley, "I think you had better take the role of the student in this."

"As you will, Professor." Roy matched his colleague's steady gaze. "Although if you will consider my own expertise..."

One black eyebrow arched. "Yes? Professor?"

"I would suggest, Professor, that you divest yourself of these black robes, in order to minimize your risk," the fairer man's eyebrows rose, "of heat exhaustion."

"Professor...?"

"Professor...?"

"Professor! Professor!" Gilligan burst through the foliage, nearly colliding with both professors. He frowned. "Why are you two looking at me like that?"



2. Essential Experimentations in Frivolity

"Based on extensive experimentation and analysis, I conclude that the active compound in this leaf produces a biochemical effect similar to that of tetrahydrocannabinol."

Severus arched an eyebrow.

"Weed," said Roy.

Severus held out his hand. Roy's mouth quirked as he drew deeply and handed the hand-rolled cigarette to Severus. Severus inhaled, deeply.

"A pleasurable frivolity, Professor," said Severus, letting the smoke out of his lungs with the verdict.

"Believe me, Professor, this is an absolute necessity to surviving life on this island."

Severus frowned momentarily, then:

"Gilligan?"

"Gilligan."

They looked at each other.

"Roll me another one, would you?"



3. The Fly in the Denouement

Lush green palm fronds shimmered, sunlit, against a turquoise sky. Every breath was fresh and full, fragranced by tropical flowers he had yet to name. Severus sighed, relaxed, and leaned back in the warm mineral waters, a pool hidden in the middle of the island. Idly he stroked the toned, tanned body of his newfound lover.

Roy tightened his hold on Severus. "Happy?" he murmured.

"Perfect," replied Severus, almost starting to smile. Then he scowled. "Except for..."

"Gilligan."

"Gilligan."

Severus closed his eyes. A firm hand roused him from reverie, and he smirked and surrendered to the present, dunderhead-free moment.



4. Concerning the Matter of Gilligan

"Can't we get rid of him?"

"Well, I have considered slipping something into his coconut juice."

"Not like that," snapped Severus. "You got here on a boat, yes?"

"Yes."

"Then send him home on a boat."

"I've tried. It keeps getting wrecked, and returning here."

"Mm." Severus pressed his lips. "I may be able to do something about that."

"What?" Roy countered skeptically. "We've done everything possible."

Severus turned and looked into Roy's eyes.

"Trust me," he said.

Roy returned his gaze steadily. "I trust you."

Severus gripped Roy's face in both hands and locked him in a crushing embrace.



5. Shipshape

Severus examined the boat. Nothing a capable fifth-year couldn't manage. A simple Reparo, reinforced with a few basic protection charms to ensure that nothing natural should ever again compromise the vessel's seaworthiness, and a stronger ward to prevent said vessel from ever again returning to the island, and the little boat was once again ready to set sail.

"That's impossible!"

Severus stiffened. Raising himself, he turned and fixed a keen eye on Roy. "Do you wish to spend the rest of your life with Gilligan?"

Roy held up his hands. "I saw nothing."

Severus smirked, and tucked away his wand.



6. The Professor to the Rescue

"That's some wand."

"Thank you."

"Can you teach me how to use it?"

"No." Severus looked into Roy's eyes. "Although I can use it to your benefit."

"Ah. I--"

"Hey, Professor! Professor! Boy am I glad I found--" Gilligan stumbled to a halt, kicking up half the sand on the beach. "Wow."

"It was all the Professor's doing," said Roy, tipping his head to Severus.

"With a little inspiration from the Professor," added Severus.

"Hey! Hey, everybody! The Professor's fixed the boat! We're rescued! We're rescued!"

Severus glanced smugly at Roy. Roy smirked.

"We're rescued," they softly chorused in unison.



7. Getting Naked

"Are you going back, too?"

"What?"

Severus pinned the length of his naked body against Roy's. "You heard me."

"Go back?" exclaimed Roy. "To what? Papers and politics and publication battles? Students who think they can sleep their way to straight A's?"

Severus raised his eyebrows. "Did they?"

Roy looked past Severus, over the moonlit lagoon. "It had nothing to do with their grades." Abruptly he pushed, rolling Severus onto his back. "And you? If I stay, you'll stay with me?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'd miss that wand." Roy pressed more firmly against Severus and covered his mouth with his own.



8. Such Sweet Sorrow

Morning light shone upon the castaways and their now seaworthy vessel.

"Well, everyone." Roy Hinkley raised one hand and smiled. "Good luck. It's been nice knowing you."

"But Professor--and Professor? Aren't you going with us?"

"No, Gilligan," he said. "The Professor and I have a lot of research to do."

"Oh. Well. Hey, maybe I can help you--!"

"No, Gilligan." Roy crossed his arms. "I'm afraid the Professor and I are the only ones qualified to conduct the research in question."

Gilligan looked to Severus.

"Farewell, Dunderhead," Severus softly intoned.

Gilligan beamed. "Gee, Professor, you say the nicest things!"



9. Professors in Paradise

"At last." Roy stretched back on the bamboo chaise, folding his hands behind his head. "The island, all to ourselves."

Severus sipped his coconut juice. It wasn't pumpkin juice, but he'd get used to it. "You slept with your students."

"You didn't?"

"Mine were below the age of consent."

"True. That would make a difference."

"I should hope so." Severus leaned back, looking into the sky. "The island, all to ourselves," he mused.

"Yes."

"So," he glanced sharply at Roy, "why are we still clothed?"

Roy raised his eyebrows. "I'm just waiting for your wand."

Severus, smirking, vanished their garments.


And the Epilogue:


10. The Pleasurable Secrets of Professor Hinkley

"Like that?"

"Oh--Merlin! I--yes--I can't--"

Sweat slicked skin slid along sweat slicked skin. Severus twisted, squirmed, writhed, but there was no escape from that firm grasp and relentless, relentless--

He cried out, his body curving back in an arc borne of the most intense physical pleasure he had ever known; and then, after an eternity poised in tension, he collapsed, gasping, into oblivion.


Severus surfaced gradually, becoming aware of strong arms around him and the warmth of breath upon his ear.

"Good?" murmured Roy.

Severus nodded. "It's astonishing, the things one can do with coconuts and bamboo."