InsaneJournal

The Disillusioning of a Death Eater
Title: The Disillusioning of a Death Eater
Author: bohemianspirit
Genre: Humor
Characters: Severus, Lucius
Pairings: None... much to Severus' dismay.
Rating: PG-13
Originally posted: 11-30-07, on my LJ

Summary: Neophyte Death Eater Severus Snape discovers that being a Death Eater isn't all he thought it would be. Poor Severus!





The Disillusioning of a Death Eater


On a warm summer evening, in the dark days of the dawn of the Disco Era, Severus Snape looked to the future with anticipation. Newly graduated from Hogwarts, newly branded with the Dark Mark and initiated into the Death Eaters, he was looking forward to enjoying all that membership in their ranks entailed: Prestige. Power. Fringe benefits.

He had just attended his first real meeting since his initiation. He hovered about, watching as one by one the other Death Eaters departed the house where the meeting had been held. At long last there was nobody left but Lucius Malfoy and the owner of the house.

"Good night," said Lucius to the other man. "Severus?"

Severus snapped to attention and, taking the cue of Lucius, bid their host a good night and walked with Lucius out the door.

They walked out into the night, saying nothing until they'd left the meeting place several blocks behind them. Severus was about to wish Lucius a good night and Disapparate when Lucius spoke up.

"Something on your mind, Severus?"

Severus turned sharply. "Why do you ask?"

"You seem preoccupied," answered Lucius.

"I'm always preoccupied," retorted Severus, turning away.

After several moments of silence, Lucius said, "Let's walk on a bit, shall we."

Severus shrugged, and resumed walking.

"You were waiting," said Lucius.

Severus shrugged again. "I thought there was more to it."

"More to it!" Lucius laughed. "Isn't two hours long enough for a meeting?"

"I don't mean the meeting." Severus was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. If not for Lucius Malfoy's ranking among the Dark Lord's followers, he would simply bid the man a good night and Disapparate home.

"Well, then. What did you mean?"

"After the meeting."

"After the meeting," echoed Lucius.

"Yes." Severus stared resolutely at the ground and hoped Lucius would let the matter drop.

But Lucius persisted. "What were you expecting--after the meeting?"

Another twitch of his shoulders. "Other activities."

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

Damn him.

"You know," Severus reluctantly answered. "The sex parties."

Severus had walked on several paces before realizing that Lucius was no longer at his side. He turned, and saw Lucius staring at him with a most peculiar expression.

"Aaaahhh... Severus."

"Yes?"

Lucius drew a deep breath, looking Severus in the eye. "There are no sex parties."

"What?"

"There are no sex parties."

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure. That's not at all what we're about."

"Of course not," Severus scoffed. "I'd merely heard."

"Heard what?"

"That there were sex parties. After the meetings."

"Well, you heard wrong. Who were you listening to, Gryffindors?"

Severus shrugged.

"Good Lord, Severus. We're a political organization, not some sort of perverted cult. Narcissa would cut off my balls and feed them to the Dark Lord's snake if I so much as thought of taking part in such activities."

Fuck.

He had just signed his life over to a genocidal maniac with a snake fetish, and he wasn't even going to get laid.

"I do hope that's not why you joined us," added Lucius in a slightly condescending tone.

"Of course not!" snarled Severus, glad for the night to hide his humiliation.

"Of course not," Lucius placidly agreed. "Good night, Severus," he added, and Disapparated.

Severus snorted. "Good night," he sardonically echoed to the empty street.

There was nothing for it. If he wanted to lose his virginity, he would have to go about it the old-fashioned way: Find a woman who wanted to sleep with him.